What Would You Do?

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Sad1

All through our lives, we come across many incidences. Some of those are minor while other are major, some make us happy while others leave unwanted traces behind them, some make a drastically fantastic difference while others just don’t kill us and spare us to live while bearing the aftershocks. We happen to live the fancy ones and when it comes to the other side of the picture, we happen to act or witness a mixed of different reactions.

A couple of days ago, I witnessed an accident. A cart loaded with iron bars hit a vehicle from the driver’s side. Though it wasn’t as major an accident as it could have been but the phenomena can be linked to what we’re trying to discuss here. The driver got out, stood beside his vehicle, was going to bump the guy on the cart and then stopped. Sat in and went on his way. What was to happen, had happened. Hitting the guy, calling the police, filing an application, whatever he had done, wouldn’t have reversed what just happened.
A couple of years ago, a friend had to suffer a major break up. Probably one of the most unfortunate and sad incidences he has had in his entire life. It was like losing someone close to you to death. With as major incidences as that, there come consolations, explanations, advices, ambitions, tips of self-recognition and that very old and strong argument that it was meant to happen and whatever happened, happened for the good of you.

He was broke, he wasn’t ready for any of that, was still in the state of denial and to that argument, he’d often say that if it happened in the best of his interests, why does he feel that gap inside his chest? He used to tell everybody that whatever you say, your words are not going to bring her back. Yes, that’s life, nothing ever gets back. All you are left with is the burden of what just happened and all you can do is to play with your understanding of the situation and come up with a theory that justifies what happened but theories like thus don’t reverse what just happened, nothing ever does.

Sad4

What are you possibly supposed to do in the end if something unfortunate happens? Hollywood often presents heroes who set out to take revenge but taking a revenge doesn’t get those back who are gone, does it? Unfortunately when it comes to this question, I stand empty minded, wondering what am I supposed to do and how am I supposed to react? Irrespective of the situation around me, irrespective of whether the revenge has been taken or not, I lost something dear to me and I don’t really care about any of the rest. There has to be an answer or a standard operating procedure like you perform when you get to know of being affected by some disease, you take your medicines and get cured from that. There must be some remedies that cures the gaps in your chests, that return the happiness of your heart, that brings back the charm of your soul and that get your life as decorated as before and that clears the blurriness of the series of even we call life and bring back those who are dear to us more than anything.

But what would you do when you find out there are no such magical remedies and that you have to live with the gaps?

Sad3

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We All Say That ..

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Love11

We all say that we have moved
Memories of those special ones have been removed
But in a corner of the heart, somewhere deep inside
There’s that bitter truth that we all hide

That’s what, to ourselves, we refuse to tell
For that very same person, once again, we fell
We can’t explain the gap when we see that face
Something takes us to her, which we can’t even trace

I admit today, once again
Since the moment she left, I never could get rid of the pain
The pain that itches the heart and makes me lame
When I lose to the fact that without her life will never be the same

Love13

Goodbye Comfort Shed

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Comfort Zone

The other day I was talking to one of my very dear friends. Who’s from a distant country and is going to be a world renowned programmer and a part time stage comedian someday. We were laughing at his joke when he said:
A little knowledge is dangerous. With the exclamation: And I don’t know who said that.

Friends are there to listen to what you have to say, friends are there to see what you are going through. Friends are there to comfort you if you’re in trouble. If the scene in front of your eyes gets blurred, friends are there to analyze the situation for you, to help you understand what are you actually going through and what should be your step ahead. But friends can do only this much. It is you who has to take the step, it is you who has to cover your assigned journey and it’s you who has to spend this life till the end. And this is your choice how much control of your life you keep in your own hands and how much of it you trade with someone else for some unwanted, unnecessary pain.

Well they say if you have to grow, you have to get out of your comfort zone. They say it is only then you understand life when you have the courage to take initiatives, when you decide the destination you want arrive to, when you set your own aims, when you start living the moment, when you get spontaneous and when you experiment with the unknown. It is only then you learn what is this all about, it is only then you start living and it is then you start your journey towards your success.

We come across charming persons sharing the stories of their wonderful success and it seems as if everything was put automatically in order for them to arrive there and ring the bell. Hollywood makes us believe that a person is going to rise to the occasion in his single shot, the moment one sets his mind towards his destined goal, everything in this universe gets in harmony with his intentions, people can sense his determination and start offering their assistance and within a time span of hour and a half his life gets fixed. Every other person leaving the cinema hall, is as enthusiastic, as determined and as hopeful as the characters of the movie. I wonder why depression is overspreading then.

As a matter of fact, life’s not a movie nor is it a fictional novel. Magic doesn’t exist and people don’t assist. World is cruel and life’s not fair. If you decide to get something, you have to set the parameters for achieving it. You have to fail in a lot of plans before you find the plan that works for you. You have to suffer the pain in your path but you have to keep moving. You have to get out of your comfort shell, bear the disappointments, tolerate all the pain, accept the unfair nature of life, deal with the selfishness ahead and have that charming smile on your face. After you do all that, you have to keep telling yourself that you might not succeed even after doing all that. You have to analyze the mistakes, find out what you have done incorrect, get back there, fix it and start it from the very beginning.

This is a hideous process but often the pill that would heal you, is very bitter in taste.
Somewhere I read the most beautiful curve on a woman’s body is her smile. I strongly disagree with that. The most beautiful curve on any person’s body is the smile. Why women only? And they say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Couldn’t agree more. Let’s begin then and be the type of person you want to meet.

Do I Have to Lose you Too?

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say it before its too late

Life is nothing but patches of days
You have to live them all, there’s no other ways
And then in one of the patches, there you came
All became beautiful, I went insane

Before I realized, for you, I had fallen
My days, my life, my heart were all stolen
This heart says you’d come, in a while, I’d be with you
And that’s a beautiful lie, but I wouldn’t argue

With every patch passing by, my love scatters
You’re the one I need, nothing else really matters
With every distorted belief that I have to run into
This heart desperately asks do I have to lose you too?

That Special One

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Love6

When you’re in love, you learn games
Some are good, some are just lame
You hit at times, at others you get hit on
Such pass the days while you’re alone

Then there comes a special day
When at the heart, hits that beautiful ray
The magic reveals itself but only to some
Only then you realize that special one has come

Distances of years that moment compiles
When you look at her face, your soul smiles
You have to suffer, you have to wait
But it’s worth it for that only soul mate

A Fairy Tale inside the Story of a Love

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Love9

With the advancements of technology, we all are getting more and more practical. We are out of the myths that cultures have held long enough. We can now test various facts and figures in accordance with the internationally established indexes. We are playing 3D games, we are watching 3D movies, we are living virtual realities. We don’t believe in just saying it rather most of us are now interested in watching it happen, observing it getting unfold and enjoying a walk along how it all happens.
Long gone are the days when some Aladdin goes out for princess Jasmine, when a beautiful Belle accepts the true love in a disguised form, when the giant dancing boots fascinates masses, when some Faiz falls in love with a Laila and when a Romeo and a Juliet die in each other’s love.
Today we want actors to recreate it all for us, filled with emotions and absorbed with the same amount of love, devotion, honesty and struggle. Today we do not want to get out of our comfortable bed and we want these things roaming around our side by side. We want to talk with them as they cover their journeys, we want to be there when they are in a battlefield and we want to be a part of the performance, an invisible observer who admires everything going on but never can lead it.
I live in the same era of technology yet I still believe in fairy tales. I still believe myself living inside one where I am a silent observer and where I am admiring the scent of her soul. Where I am always standing there where she walks down the road and yet to her I am just like something she can’t either see or successfully manages to pass by silently. Where I can’t decide whether she is observing me or it’s just my heart following her. And like the end of every fairy tale, I believe that one day I’ll get awake from this inertia of constant stillness by the warmth of her laugh, by the love of her kiss, by the sensation of her hand inside my hands and with my tears falling from her eyes.

I really don’t know how to do this…

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Time to Vent

This is long, but I need someone to read it. Please.

My husband is sick. Not like, a head cold sick, but like, his heart doesn’t work right, anymore, sick.

He has heart failure with cardiomyopathy. His resting heart rate is around 128. He is 38 years old.

He was diagnosed with CHF in August of 2013 and treated for a year with medications. His condition didn’t improve, but it didn’t worsen. He was still able to work during that time, even though he was tired all the time. (He worked in maintenance at a prison.) After having a heart cath and finding his ejection fraction around 20-25%, his cardiologists suggested surgery to have an ICD put in. After realizing the importance of this in keeping him from having a sudden fatal heart attack, we decided to go ahead with the surgery. The plans were for him to go back…

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