I remember myself asking a question from my high school science teacher. The question was that if we kept on absorbing the knowledge for a huge part of our lives, when we were eventually going to utilize everything we learned and absorbed all through our lives. I was probably looking for the sentence that we need to utilize the knowledge we absorbed previously to absorb the newly discovered knowledge.
The age was anxious, the question was simple enough but was insightful. I don’t remember the answer he gave but I do remember that since then, I’ve been trying to figure out a lot of questions. It’s simply curious that how curious a man can get in satisfying his curiosity for answers. It’s simply curious how this piece of meat has spiritual needs which demand something other than the need of another mere piece of meat. I have found out a lot of answers since then. And unfortunately while finding these answers, I have stepped across a lot of doors that are now locked and have shut themselves down upon me when I want to go back. Now I want to unlock and go past the barrier of time but I cannot do so. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get the door unlocked to provide me a safe passage back to that beautiful zone of my comfort.
In discovering the answers, in letting go of dear ones, in forgetting the amount of care needed to take the decisions to come across a door that cannot be unlocked once you get on the other side, I have gathered an understanding of what happened and a wisdom of what should have happened. The understandings I gathered, I now call them as Some Untold Manifestations of Insights and Ideologies-Ubiquitously Manifested and Understood as my beliefs, admirations and affirmations.
I believe that there are no backups. There are no backups for your actions, for your plans, for the ones you love and for the ones who love you. There are no backups for the time you spend. There are no backups for the loss you suffer when you go around with the attitude,” What do I have to lose?” Well the answer is that it is you that you are going to lose. You’re going to lose it whether that be your time, health, youth, career or the shape of your image in someone’s eyes. Whether that be love and the person you love. Whether that be you and your life. You and everything you own is at stake every moment the clock ticks away from your life.
I believe in love but I also now believe that the other person is a mortal human being. I believe that in essence every human being is to think for himself or herself. Every human has the right to secure himself or herself. Every human should be taken literally and not for granted. No matter who the other person is. No matter whether that person is the person you thought was destined to be bound to you for the rest of the life and for the life afterwards. It doesn’t matter at all. The other person is just a mortal human being. The other person needs an investment from you, needs to be appreciated by you, needs to be taken care of, and needs to be given respect in return to the love devoted for you.
I believe nothing exists like unconditional love. I believe that mortals don’t fall for mortals by the mere bonding of unconditional love. It’s true that there is such a thing as love but it’s also true that there is no such thing as unconditional love. I now believe that love is a mirror. It’s only conditioned to show you back what you show it in the very first place. It’s only conditioned to give back to you what you give in initially. It’s only conditioned to get unconditional if at first you are unconditionally involved with it. I believe that unconditional love needs a condition of being unconditional with it.
I believe in not letting go. Whether that be your interests, your career, your hopes, the image of yourself in your own sight, the one you love or the person you want to be. Whether the other person is not giving you what you think you deserve, whether he’s not giving you that unconditional love you’ve devoted, whether he’s being uncomforting in your life, I believe in not letting go as far as you know that you are the one he’s with. I once read a story about a gold miner who kept on digging for a long time without any luck and gave up eventually only to discover at a later stage in his life that he was just a couple of feet away from all the gold he had been looking for. That man regretted his entire life the moment he let go of the digging.
May be the mirror in front of the other person is getting all blurred up and not showing him the unconditional love he’s getting. May be the situation needs some time in getting fixed, what if the last step you refused to take was the final step towards what you always dreamt about? What if I would have been awarded, had I been patient till taking this last step? And it happens more often than we realize that the thing we wanted was ready to welcome us just a step ahead. I believe in taking that last step ahead no matter how difficult the times are.
I believe that a belief is the most powerful gift from God to men on earth. It’s a belief that unites you with you creator. It’s a just a belief that there is a creator who so perfectly created everything that since the dawn of this universe, we are still trying to discover the amazing miracles He performed and yet we are here with just a fractional understanding. A mere belief equips you with a God, with a Creator, with a purpose, with a reason worth living for and with a purpose worth dying for. I didn’t believe in fairy tales or mere chances of luck. I never believed that ‘not letting go’ could be this much important. But as a matter of fact it is more important than I think it is. Belief in something is more important that I realized.
I have always been hiding and running from SUMII. But now it’s time to confess that the essence of my life is SUMII. If I gained anything in my life, it’s SUMII. If there’s an insight and an upside for me, if I earned anything in my life and if anything is important than all of the rest, it’s SUMII.
All through our lives, we come across many incidences. Some of those are minor while other are major, some make us happy while others leave unwanted traces behind them, some make a drastically fantastic difference while others just don’t kill us and spare us to live while bearing the aftershocks. We happen to live the fancy ones and when it comes to the other side of the picture, we happen to act or witness a mixed of different reactions.
A couple of days ago, I witnessed an accident. A cart loaded with iron bars hit a vehicle from the driver’s side. Though it wasn’t as major an accident as it could have been but the phenomena can be linked to what we’re trying to discuss here. The driver got out, stood beside his vehicle, was going to bump the guy on the cart and then stopped. Sat in and went on his way. What was to happen, had happened. Hitting the guy, calling the police, filing an application, whatever he had done, wouldn’t have reversed what just happened.
A couple of years ago, a friend had to suffer a major break up. Probably one of the most unfortunate and sad incidences he has had in his entire life. It was like losing someone close to you to death. With as major incidences as that, there come consolations, explanations, advices, ambitions, tips of self-recognition and that very old and strong argument that it was meant to happen and whatever happened, happened for the good of you.
He was broke, he wasn’t ready for any of that, was still in the state of denial and to that argument, he’d often say that if it happened in the best of his interests, why does he feel that gap inside his chest? He used to tell everybody that whatever you say, your words are not going to bring her back. Yes, that’s life, nothing ever gets back. All you are left with is the burden of what just happened and all you can do is to play with your understanding of the situation and come up with a theory that justifies what happened but theories like thus don’t reverse what just happened, nothing ever does.
What are you possibly supposed to do in the end if something unfortunate happens? Hollywood often presents heroes who set out to take revenge but taking a revenge doesn’t get those back who are gone, does it? Unfortunately when it comes to this question, I stand empty minded, wondering what am I supposed to do and how am I supposed to react? Irrespective of the situation around me, irrespective of whether the revenge has been taken or not, I lost something dear to me and I don’t really care about any of the rest. There has to be an answer or a standard operating procedure like you perform when you get to know of being affected by some disease, you take your medicines and get cured from that. There must be some remedies that cures the gaps in your chests, that return the happiness of your heart, that brings back the charm of your soul and that get your life as decorated as before and that clears the blurriness of the series of even we call life and bring back those who are dear to us more than anything.
But what would you do when you find out there are no such magical remedies and that you have to live with the gaps?